Everyone sees the latest headline, “drug addiction on the rise all across America” just another news story on top of stacks of articles and studies saying the same thing. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, gaming (and the list goes on and on) there is no debate that our addicted state is a major problem, one without a patent answer. We see it in the news, feel the impacts of it in our communities, know close friends and family members who struggle, and many of us have personal experience. I am part of this last category, having gone through a prescription opiate addiction in my early twenties. Now 8 years in the clear, I work with young men and women, many of whom are fighting to get free from the choking grasp of addiction.
In my experience and work I have come to the conclusion that the way we hold and relate to addiction is essential in successfully overcoming it. And yes, I firmly believe addiction is something that can be overcome.
A couple months back, while working on the ambulance as an EMT, we received an emergency call for a 40 year old with a head injury. Upon arriving on-scene a man was found with severe bleeding from a large laceration above his right eye. In response I attended to the injury and controlled the bleeding. I then began the next step of treatment by asking a long list of questions aimed at learning what had taken place and what else might be going on. Through this assessment I discovered that this man had diabetes and it was his low blood sugar that had him go unconscious, fall, and injure his head. Though initially the bleeding wound drew all the attention and required immediate management, it was the underlying condition that became the priority for treatment.
This is similar to the way I think of addiction. Addiction is the bleeding wound and must be attended to, however the question of what causes the addiction is even more important. We must not allow the distracting injury to sideline the focus from the real issue. For this man not only needed his wound attended to but more importantly he needed his condition treated. Addiction then becomes an invaluable communication that something more is needed and when listened to, without the muffling distortions of regret, fear, and judgment, we move from the symptom to the cause and have a real chance at finding the cure.
So what is the underlying condition that gives rise to addiction?
The opposite of addiction is connection. The strongest need we have as humans is connection, is relationship. Those news articles might instead read, “The epidemic of disconnection is on the rise all across America”. In addiction we are turning to the substitute for connection by building a relationship with the artificial instead of the real thing. For me personally I was missing a connection to a sense of purpose, to meaningful relationships, and to life at a larger level. This void had me desperately searching for that connection in the empty corridors of substance.
Ultimately I believe the source of all addiction is the lack of connection with one’s Self, one’s Purpose, one’s experience of God. This experience may come from a connection to family and friends, a connection to nature, or a connection to a creative pursuit, passionate endeavor, or avenue of service. Whatever this connection might be, the result is the treatment of the true disease, the disease of separation.
How do we do it?
In recognizing the true need I have found it much more effective to shift the focus away from what must be stopped and instead focus on what must be started. Using the question, “What connections am I missing in my life?" as a waypoint for navigation. This however, does not mean we ignore the bleeding wound of addiction and the costly impact it has on our life. That rock bottom that was hit at the depth of the addiction is now a resource to be mined, and in order to reap the benefits of the pain and struggle we must squarely face the issue, look clearly at its negative impacts, and inventory the destruction it has had, without shame or a victim mentality. I have found it helpful to write out, in gruesome detail, all the damaging impacts that addiction has had upon ones life, health, relationships, and overall wellbeing. It is often too easy to forget the pain and cost of error, discarding the hard earned resource mined at rock bottom. The way it felt, the relationships damaged, the trust broke, the cost of addiction, should always hold some space on the shelf of awareness.
In this process we find the willingness to do something different. Need without willingness is avoidant and stagnant and willingness without need is chaotic and aimless. Yet when need and willingness collide, vision is born. Over time this vision may fade in and out of focus, at times clear and at other times obscured by craving and discouragement. Yet, in these windows of clear-seeing we can build the structure of disciplines and actions, outlining the practical steps meant to translate insight into form. Starting small and building upon success, goals are set on a daily and weekly basis and over time one not only finds freedom from an old life but freedom for a new life. Step by step, day by day, personal authority and self confidence is regained as our separation from others, from Self, and from life is reconciled.
The importance of how we relate to addiction and the way we hold our struggle, is crucial for success. If addiction in an incurable disease we are forever disempowered, stuck with battling the symptoms of what could instead be held as a profound communication of needs of a deeper nature. Seen in this way addiction is a gift and opportunity for becoming who we truly are, Connected.